yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize