last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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