I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
