I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
