im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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