I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
