Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
