Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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