I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
