Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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