Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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