All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
