The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
