i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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