i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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