My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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