dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Im part way to drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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