I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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