My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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