She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
