She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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