I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
