i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
