its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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