Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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