and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize