I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
