Yo dont text me then not text me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
