What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
