If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
