I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize