dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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