he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
