I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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