hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
