Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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