Sponge bath it is.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
