she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
