he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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