i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
