Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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