there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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