i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
