No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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