Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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