sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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