your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
