i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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