Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
