xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
