We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
