ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
