I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
