You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
