I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
