you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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