He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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