love makes seman taste better
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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