She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
