I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
