I will die if light touches me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
