I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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