you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
