youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
