between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
