Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Terrible idea I love it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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