and i looked up. we had an audience...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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